5 Behavior Management Strategies to Increase Kids’ Independence

Guest blog by Kristin Lombardi, MA, BCBA, and Christine Drew, PhD, BCBA-D, Associate Professor of Special Education at Auburn University

For many families, managing or avoiding challenging behavior is a significant focus of their daily lives.

Many feel like they’re “walking on eggshells” or “waiting for the other shoe to drop” with their child’s behavior. This can lead to families avoiding teaching their child to complete daily living skills independently. The downstream effect is that their child remains dependent on their parent to complete basic self-care tasks longer than they may need to. This is a difficult cycle that leaves many parents burnt out, worried about the future, and unsure of how to break the cycle.

A quick note: When BCBAs say behavior, they mean any interaction a person has with their environment that results in a change in that environment. We use the word behavior to refer to both behavior that we want to see (adaptive or prosocial behavior) and behavior that requires change (challenging behavior).

Below, we have provided some strategies for you to try. First, ask yourself if you have tried any of these strategies before. If you have, think back to when you tried them. Were they successful? If so, are you still using them? If not, why? If you tried the strategy and it didn’t work, that’s ok too.

Some families try different tactics when their children are young, with mixed results. However, if your child is older and has more skills, the strategy may be effective now even if it was not in the past. We encourage you to give them another shot.

Prepare for Success: Set Yourself and Your Child up for Success

Prepare Yourself

As the parent who will be responsible for guiding your child toward higher levels of independence, are you in the right place to focus energy on helping your child increase their independence?

For example, if you just experienced a major life event (e.g., birth of a new child, death of a loved one, move to a new home), give yourself time to settle before expecting yourself to focus on helping your child build new skills.

Prepare Your Child

Many times, there are foundational skills that a child should have prior to tackling more challenging skills. For example, can your child attend to a preferred activity for 5-10 minutes without adult supervision, can they follow basic directions, and can they be redirected? If so, excellent! If not, it may make sense to focus on building these and other foundational skills before tackling multi-step routines.

Prepare the Environment

Our environment plays a major role in our ability to function. No one functions their best when their living quarters are in disarray and there are unnecessary distractions.

For example, if you want your child to learn how to choose their own outfits or PJs, is their closet cleaned out of clothes that no longer fit? Can they reach the clothes that they need? Is there a stool in their closet to reach higher shelves? Is there room free of unnecessary distractions (e.g., a television that is turned on, a favorite toy sitting out)?

Clearly Define the Completed Task

It is very challenging for anyone to complete a task that has not been clearly explained. It's much easier for you to track your child’s progress if you have a clearly defined goal. For example, “Get ready for bed” is a vague directive that includes many different subtasks. Unless you have specifically explained to your child in some way (verbally or by creating a picture schedule) what is involved in getting ready for bed, it is an unfair request.

Decide ahead of time exactly what you want your child to accomplish. Instead of “Get ready for bed”, clearly define the task as: walk into the bathroom, put toothpaste on their toothbrush, brush their teeth, rinse their mouth (and the sink), dry off their hands, turn off the light, and walk to their bedroom. By clearly delineating the task, you and your child both know what the goal is and can move toward it in an organized manner.

Break Down Multi-Step Tasks into a Written or Visual Format

Many times, children with learning differences and disabilities learn better when multi-step tasks are broken down into smaller steps.

Although you may view brushing your teeth as one task, your child may view it as 22 distinct steps. When we view a task as one whole task, we tend to have the mindset, “My child can’t do it.”

This causes a sense of overwhelm and does not offer a clear path to rectify the situation. When we look at the 20+ steps involved in toothbrushing and figure out which specific steps our child is struggling with, we can either practice those isolated steps (e.g., how to squeeze an appropriate amount of toothpaste onto the toothbrush) or figure out a way to provide an accommodation (e.g., buy an automatic toothpaste dispenser).

Decrease the Use of Verbal Prompts

Verbal prompts can easily become part of daily living routines and are the hardest prompts to fade. There are other types of prompts – gestural, model, physical – that are easier to fade, especially when it comes to teaching daily living skills. The prompt hierarchy illustrates the most-to-least restrictive prompts.

You want to aim to decrease the use of verbal prompts and increase the use of physical prompts and model prompts. Over time, you want to work your way up the prompt hierarchy from most to least restrictive prompts. Note: While the visual provided lists verbal prompts as less intrusive, they are also harder to fade, which is why we try to rely more on the other types.

Lean Into Accommodations – Think Outside the Box

Some parents focus on having their child do things “just like everyone else.” While we understand this impulse, we have seen many children and families become successful by doing things their own way. That way, parents can focus more on the goals or outcome rather than the process.

If your child uses a shampoo bottle with a pump top, is their hair still clean? Of course! Remember that accommodations are things that your child can take with them into adulthood and help them achieve the same goal. Accommodations allow your child to do things more independently, which in turn leads to even greater independence down the road.

Conclusion

Asking your child to work on tasks that are difficult for them can be intimidating and overwhelming, particularly if they exhibit challenging behavior or have exhibited it in the past. Starting small with one routine is one of the ways you can avoid overwhelm for yourself and your child. These tasks are critical to your child’s future and should be taught with the same diligence we give to any other skill.

Your child will need these skills no matter where they live, what they do to fill their days, or who they have to help them. Starting early and practicing often can help them build a future that is as independent as possible. For more information about how to help your child build independent living skills, get their book, Spectrum of Independence 👉 HERE. 

For more information about Kristin, Christine, and their book, visit spectrumofindependence.com.

Kristin Lombardi, MA, BCBA, assists children and families in preparing for independent living at her private practice in Locust Valley, New York. With a background in special education, psychology, and behavior analysis, she works with preschoolers through young adults with varying support needs.

Christine Drew, PhD, BCBA-D, is Associate Professor of Special Education at Auburn University, where she teaches graduate and undergraduate courses and works with Auburn's inclusive higher education program for students with intellectual disabilities.